Well my playlist (the one I have on Ares) right now has:
“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins / “1979” by Smashing Pumpkins / “The Nobodies” by Marilyn...
I didn’t purge myself since April, but today something happened inside of me.
Actually I don’t feel “normal” for the last two weeks. I’ve started cutting myself again, and having anxiety attacks.
Thought, purging was the next step.
Tomorrow my psychologist will make me a few tests, he says that probably my problem is not just the ED. I’m really scared.
I just want to sleep forever. I’m so fuckin tired of this shit, I thought it stopped for good, but my shitty mind always restart.
I will appreciate any support message now girls, I really need it…
Today I went to see my new Doc cuz my recovery is nit going well, Is not since I startes writing again thos kind of things and watching thinspo and wanting to lose weight.
But this Is worst than I though, he wants to test me cuz I might have something more, I don’t know what, but I wonder can I handle another pathology?
I feel tired about my job, I feel sad and fat and I want to go home and take all my pills and take a rest for a week. I want coma.
Someone have a good word for me
Today’s class was so good, I’m starting new projects and keeping my mind on things that I love.
Came home and my grannie made dinner for me, so I couldn’t scape… Too bad.
Every night I speak by the phone with this girl who I’m hanging out with, It’s feels so weird when I think we will be a couple, maybe, someday.
Thaaanks! I just ate fruit and veggies and drink water… I want to look like that again :C
Intake: 200 cal.
I feel bad about the potato, but I’m a girl with a plan:
After that I’ll start moving, just because I don’t feel well this days and I don’t want to force me while I’m leaving sugar.
I want my mom to send me Winter Girls (it’s at her home, I was living with her when I started my recovery) but I don’t want to scare her, maybe she doesn’t know what is about… or maybe she take a look. Maybe I should buy it again, but I don’t have money to spend in whims, I need to pay school.
I feel tired, I want to sleep.
The girl I’m dating gave me as a gift a Syd Barret’s bio last week, I love Pink Floyd and I think Barret was a genius, I do have special love for crazy people.
Let’s take a look.
Shine on you Crazy Diamond.
I wrote a text and It disappeared. Weird.
I’m listening my Ana playlist, which I made when I have the MDS ED community. I miss that girls.
My grandpa got into my room and ask me why I didn’t went to work, and why I’m always having problems with my stomach.
I never had this kind of problems, since my EDs stared I was living on my own or with boyfriend (well, till he drop me at my mum’s cuz he thought I had a huge problem with purging whitch was actually true).
The thing is, I can’t do whatever I want whenever I want. I’ll have to hide food and that kind of things that I ever did.
I was thinking about try to do the master cleanse again, I tried like a year ago, but I was too thin and unhealthy and I felt sick at second day.
Should I try now
Monday, 8.30am, empty, 52.9kg (116pounds).
Say Hi to my grannies (who I live with)… And have breakfast together like eeeeeverymorning.
Intake: 366 cal
I don’t want to go to work, it’s cold outside and I still feeling sick… I’ll call to the doctor.
I’m in bed again, I’m cold, sneezing, ouch :(
Next Goal: 50kg on sunday.
6 days and counting.
Later if I go out I’ll buy some laxatives.
I’m watching thinspo and I feel supersized.
Headache. Tired. I want to sleep.